Bad Vibes !

by Chas Anderson

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Solicited or UN, It's a true story, and fortunately I can laugh at it NOW.



A Tale of Tuner Woe

A long day on Eastern hard pack

Lots of smiles on the face,

Jelly legs working the clutch.

Looking forward to Dinty Moore and a brew or two.

Damn, need a wax and tune before the morning's first tracks.

U-turn to the last shop down the hill to town.

AM promises, in time for first chair.

Not to worry! Slow day! Lots of experience!

Good brew, and another, stews doin fine too.

Sack time after Miller, Warren that is.

Pick-up time---hmmmm---unbuffed wax.

Pay the man go, slide the skis in the rack.

Chilly chair, no line in sight.

Top of the lift, first morning light.

Life is good, peel of the lift, go right.

Good Lord what's wrong with these feet?

Half pipe action no sweet spot in sight.

Vertigo on the vertical, side slipping one leg at a time.

180, 360, how'd I do that?

Go for a hockey stop! Whoa! Cant stop on a dime.

Head into the lodge, cappachino, make it two!

Wired up and AWAKE but no respite.

Can't ski worth a damn, may just as well hike.

Another tune-up from the regular--Mark./Joe.

"What's happinin' dude?"

"Can't get 'em to go!"

"Bad news for you friend your edges are trashed.

Been de-tuned with a hammer,

You'll fall on your ass.

So ship 'em to the swap meet,

Take any cash you can get,

You'll never ski these again,

Go back to that shop!"

"I'm really pissed off,

You've ruined my new skis!"

"Prove that I did it , Where's your receipt?"

"I did a great job you're just an old creap.

Been tuning forever, way back, on 210's

Eight inches of dull, maybe 12 if it's hot."

"You've got no repeat business, this place is a dump.

Go back selling T-shirts, pull down those ski signs."

( your just a shirt seller)

"I've heard your complaints, and I don't give a damn.

I know what I'm doing Buddy, Scram."

So what can I do, what recourse do I have?

He's trashed my K-2s, money gone down the drain.

"Suck it up, Buddy, do your own tunes if you can.

Seasons over for you, go home , be a man!"

Now my edges are narrow,

But they still grip the snow.

So stay away from that shop,

Do your tunes by yourself,

Keep your sharp edges,

And ski and ride till you drop.

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